I figured this would be a question I'd have to answer at some point sooner or later, so I decided I'd do it now. I enjoy writing, alot of the time while tripping, about strange things I think of or remember. I enjoy morbid humor in some ways, but most of the time enjoy how interesting it can be exploring morbid thoughts and things i decide to write. Being real feels far too vulnerable for my liking, so why don't we talk about something else? I like listening to radiohead recently, alot of their prettier songs can be beautiful and depressing at the same time. Worrywort is what I'm listening to currently. This shouldn't be just a stream of consciousness but I think it's gonna have to be that way for this week. I'm writing this part on monday of this week and will probably add to it before publishing. I regularly smoke DMT while writing because it makes me think intensely. It's like I'm accessing a different area of my brain while I smoke and write. As for smoking in general. I don't consume marijuana or nicotine anymore. I quit marijuana, although my use of it has been minimal, mainly because my job regularly tests for it and as for quitting nicotine, it's really just because I don't want lung cancer. I miss cigarettes every now and then. Readers of this blog will probably come to notice my like for depressing things and moods, and a cigarette is probably the most depressing experience you can have. The conscious thought of what you're doing is the depressing part because you're not just doing it for the rush/feeling, it's also for the escape. It's a beautiful, flavorful, bold smelling escape that will kill you slowly. I smoked for almost a year in my teen years, toward the end of highschool and I quit the january before graduation. I would LIKE to believe I quit because I cared so much about my health, but really it was because the tonsilitis I developed from smoking had gotten so bad that a small inhalation of smoke would completely swell my tonsils to the point of not being able to breathe. So when the choice of smoke and air arose, I chose air. I have smoked a handful of times after that, but I really only smoke when I have to be around my parents.
This is the next day, I'll add these breaks from now on to separate days, however I doubt I'll ever commit to a daily entry so I don't care enough to label what day these will be written on. Sowwy.
I regularly abuse psychedelics. I've been recently thinking about what my coworkers, all aged 50 years and above, would say when learning about my psychedelic use? Unlike what alot of outsiders may think, most users of psychedelics aren't out in the open about their use, in my case I work a job that is regularly tested for a list of substances, that list does not include psychedelics but, I would not like to give them a reason to fire me. I assume I'd be immediately fired at the mention of illicit substance use, and I assume my southern raised middle aged coworkers would be either mortified or just not care. I like talking truthfully when I speak to people, so it's annoying to have to be slightly anti-drug when I talk with them about the news. Not all of my coworkers would care, but the few that would have big enough mouths that it would get to management somehow. People who follow the law just because it's the law are annoying.
My job drug tested for weed and I liked it before when I smoked it one time. The guy who I bought the weed from was also selling shrooms, so I bought an ounce. The ounce lasted me three weeks, I tripped every weekend after buying them and was immediately infatuated with psychedelics. My next drug used was mescaline, from SAN PEDRO, and it was beyond great. I then, after some bad trips from shrooms, decided to try DMT. I really like DMT. I write alot of my stuff while on a small amount of DMT usually. In terms of full blown barrier breaking trips on DMT: I've had ten experiences. But I've had over 50 non-breakthrough DMT experiences, all great.