You could say I've spiraled recently. However it all depends on your definition of spiraling. It's been weeks since I've had a meaningful psychedelic trip, and that is abnormal. I usually use something atleast once a week, however recently all I want to do is drink and smoke. My vices have consumed me and now I'm afraid to face what I'll find on psychedelics. I stopped writing this blog for two weeks and WW3 practically played out, so I can now say that it is BAD for the world if I stop writing these.
There exists a timeline in which you (or I) never existed. Not one in which you die, but one in which you were never born. Are the people you know and love better off in this timeline? When separated from your EGO, if you can confidently say YES, then the obvious next thought is "Why shouldn't I kill myself?". This is hard to answer, but I think that the answer is almost always no. These bad deeds you have done or currently do aren't erasible. They're something more than just a capture of time held onto by memory, they're a carving into stone. In the new digital age, you can't kill the sheriff without it trending on twitter. At what point in performing these bad deeds do you think you'll be caught? Will it be when you speak out against Daddy (government) Mommy (society) Me (Instinct)? No matter when it happens, the space between you and the person who performed these actions is nanometers apart, even if they occured 30 years ago in a motor vehicle accident that no one saw, it was a drunken man on Christmas eve, you were trying to get home after haven partaken in some drinking yourself, when out of nowhere this sad sap appears infront of your brand new suburban. EGOal shock occurs, and the entirety of your life flashes before your eyes. When they say this in movies, they don't explain the true thought process happening in your mind, every bad memory plays and the same message repeats "I did all of this for nothing, all of my suffering has resulted in my life being thrown away".
My writing quality is diminished at the moment for a variety of reasons. I am afraid to smoke DMT, which means I shouldn't smoke it. My fears are going to self actualize when I smoke it, so I figure it's best to leave the spice alone for now. I don't think I've ever seen a "machine elf" or whatever DMT guys see. I have encountered things that seem foreign to what my mind is capable of, however I was high on a psychedelic while they were happening so my credibility on it being real is null.
Does anyone read this? I don't really know how to confirm that apart from site views. I have plans for this if it ever picks up, however I doubt that it ever will. I would one day like to have some kind of back and forth so that I don't have to think of things to write in order to fill dead air, I don't really know how I would go about implementing that though.