I am typing this on July 1st, so technically this should be in the July-Aug area, however I already named this HTML file 6292025, so really it's out of my hands at this point.
My ambition to write is usually fueled by substances, the past few have not been and it might have shown in terms of the quality of it. I don't think I have the preset neuroplasticity required to tie all of my thoughts together in a coherent or digestible form, especially through this kind of medium. My thoughts are similar to an artist trying to explain paintings to people who can't see said paintings, the image is the crux of the entire concept but it's up to the artist to try and regurgitate the meaning with near 100% effeciency. However, things don't seem to work out for me without the help of mind altering substances, with some generating more images than I have words to explain. I mention this, because right now I am drinking beer. You can imagine the efficieny of this whole operation will be severely hindered as my budweiser consumption counter exponentially ticks up.
I have some kind of lingering obsession with sadness, it may just be my subconcious trying to force my mind into a medium it can speak freely through, however it BETTER NOT BE, because I'll drink that bastard out of existence if it tries to manipulate me into healing like that. I enjoy being drunk, and I can find endless sources of beauty and creation through a depressed mindset. You walk away from happy endings relatively unchanged and uplifted, you crawl away from sad endings malformed and disgruntled.
I feel like something in the endless maze of my subconcious is hiding away the answer to why my happiness cannot survive the distance from moment to moment. There's something wrong with me, there has been since I had the ability to recognize it. I don't need to speak about this right now
_ walked out, none of their decisions regarding __ came with a consideration of what _ was thinking or feeling. It was always them getting upset at __ or thinking _ had accused them of being a bad ______. "You don't like how your life is right now and are confused about things you wouldn't dare tell me about, so what I'm just a bad ______ then?". If they had cared, _ might have been able to talk to someone about what _ had "remembered".
Bud counter: 1.5 16oz